How much?
- Each partner should have equal amounts of free time.
- Both spouses should be at least capable of every important chore in case the other spouse is disabled or injured, and unable to do housework for a while. Every chore that needs to be done at least once a month should be familiar to both spouses.
- Each spouse should feel respected for what they are accomplishing, and should work to show the other spouse their own respect for what their spouse brings to the family. You should do enough housework to show your wife that you believe that housework is important.
You should contribute enough effort to meet all of the three goals above. How much work this is will vary depending on whether or not your wife is employed and for how many hours, and what other responsibilities your family has (care for children or elderly parents, for example).
Why?
For all families: By involving yourself in the housework, you tell your wife that you believe that it is important and valuable - and, indirectly, you say that she is important and valuable. You set a good example for any children and for the community, by showing what a good husband (and father) should be. You also prepare yourself to be able to care for yourself and your family in case your wife is no longer able to care for the family for a period of time.
For families with children: Staying home with children is a full-time job. If you were paying a nanny to do the job for you, she would take care of the children, clean major messes the children made, feed the children, possibly prepare meals for the children, and possibly do laundry (depending on how much you paid her and her skill). If your wife is doing more housework than this while you are at work, she is not spending as much time on mothering children. If she does only these things during the day but still does more housework and parenting than you when you are home, she is probably getting less free time than you. This may tempt her towards jealousy, bitterness, or anger. By helping a mother with the housework, you give her the time she needs during the day to give your children the best possible care without compromising her own happiness or her ability to feel charitable towards you.
For families without children: The main reasons to help your wife are to be prepared and knowledgeable about house care in the case of her disability (or even death - it does happen), to show her respect, and possibly to prepare yourself for fatherhood and the greater responsibilities that fatherhood will bring as your wife takes on the much more time-consuming job of caring for children and has less time for housework.
AnswerThere is absolutely no reason why a man can't help out with housework. If he lives there, eats, makes a mess, needs clean clothes, he should be able to pitch in. A wife is not a mother or slave to her husband. My husband and I have an understanding about housework: if I clean downstairs, he cleans upstairs; I clean the bathroom, he takes out the garbage; if I do the laundry, he puts it away. If I'm going to be running late after work, he can start dinner. If I wash, he dries. Every wife will appreciate some help, especially if you do it without her having to ask you. AnswerYou've got to be a man and I nearly fell out of my computer chair that you had the guts to post this on the board. I'm so very proud of YOU!
If you think running a house, cooking, cleaning, running the kids to the doctors, games, school, etc., and entertaining friends is easy, then you need to take the kids for a week and do those same chores and I can bet you will be kissing your wife's feet! It's easy to go to work and a lot harder to be at home raising children and doing housework.
My mother brought my brother and I up doing all the chores. We rotated these chores and now my brother is a good cook, can fix things around the house, helps his wife with the chores and the raising of the kids and why not?
As we know modern times keep us racing around like rats in a maze and it's difficult to find enough hours in a day to do everything. Now, wouldn't it be wonderful if you helped your wife out and then it would give both of you a chance to sit down, put your feet up, actually get to communicate or go out for an evening and the both of you aren't tired? Think about that one.
Here are the chores you could help with:
If your wife is raising kids and working then help her with the dinner when you get home. After dinner, she can wash the dishes and you dry, but then again, that's one easy job because many people have a dishwasher and it amazes me the fights that can occur over washing dishes when a machine does it for you. Personally, I do mine by hand in 1/4 the time of those water guzzling machines and my Hydro bill is less I might add.
If you have small children, then help her out bathing the children, putting them to bed and perhaps reading them a story. This is called "family time." If you help your wife out this way then she won't feel so worn out, your sex life will improve, you will have more fun together and all will be well.
If your wife isn't working and looking after the home as well as children she has little time to have "time out" with her girlfriends or even speak to an adult. She's still running around with the children, making doctor's appointments, etc., and it's very tiresome. If you wife is sitting home without kids, the house is a mess and she does nothing all day then you have every right to be angry and tell her to shape up.
Since men don't go out and kill for dinner like the old days, nor work the fields or the land; fight off Indians or travel miles to a local doctor when one of their own is ill, it amazes me that men feel they can just go to work, come home, sit back in an easy chair, have a can of beer, belch and crush the beer can on their forehead.
I also believe that if a man works long shifts at times then it's up to the wife to pick up the slack. If it is reversed and the woman is working long hours then the husband should do the same thing for her. Times have changed and unless men change with it and get over the fact that women's work is "girly work" then they are in for a big collision. Most women won't put up with it.
My husband works long hours, and I know how to fix electrical problems to Plumbing and even some things on my car, and I do my best, but when he's not working long hours, he helps out by cooking meals on the weekend (I cook during the week) and I do the dishes and he may vacuum. No big deal and we've been doing it for years.
Thanks for having the fortitude to ask this question and hopefully it means you are truly concerned about your wife's request.
Whoever works more should clean less ... We do not need 12 paragraphs for this. It's simple I work 60 plus hrs a week and my wife works 30. We have no kids. Yet she refuses to clean. This relationship will be over soon. 50/50 that means work, kids, cleaning. Not just cleaning which everyone seems to just forget what Some "People" feel when you work like me 15 hr days 5 days a week and shift work at that.
